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Konrad Werner: More heartless bastards stand up for refugees

You're never gonna beat the racists by saying that Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus were refugees (they weren't anyway). As every real Christian knows, there's only one thing that can win our hearts at Christmas: money.

Image for Konrad Werner: More heartless bastards stand up for refugees
Giotto di Bondone, “Flight into Egypt”

We know for definite that the spirit of Christmas is no way to win the argument against refugeeophobia. All those “If-only-we-had-a seasonally-appropriate-story-about-Middle-Eastern-people-seeking-refuge-being-turned-away” and “Jesus-was-an-undocumented-child-refugee” memes are funny and clever, but it’s so much water off a real Christian’s back. They shrug that shit off.

If you care to dip into the world of Christian blogging, there are about a million scripture-based refutations: “Mary and Joseph were neither homeless or refugees,” this one points out. “It’s shocking to learn how ignorant people are about the Bible.” Sorry Syrians, we’re gonna need more accurate biblical parallels if you want to win Christian sympathy – when he’s finished torturing your family, maybe you could get Assad to take a census for tax collection purposes? Otherwise fuck off back home.

No, the only way to win over Christians is through their wallets. So thank the Lord that he bestowed upon us David Folkerts-Landau, chief economist at Deutsche Bank, who said earlier this month: “The refugees are the best thing that could happen to Germany. They will change Germany positively even if I’m aware of what a challenge it is to take in hundreds of thousands of people. The most important task is to integrate these people as fast as possible into the job market.”

Now we’re talking. The cold cynicism of an institution that was fined a record $2.5 billion by US and UK authorities (not German, naturally) for fraud and corruption is the way we need to go. But Deutsche Bank is not the only one. The OECD said the same thing, as did the World Bank, and German Council of Wise Men. All these exploiter-capitalist bastards know one thing – when it comes down to it, what are refugees but a million exploitable cheap labourers and consumers. And because they’re Muslim they keep the shops open over Christmas too. So have a merry one!