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Ask Dr. Dot: kissing, long distance and the back door

Our sexpert answers your most intimate queries.

Q I have been with my boyfriend for five years; I’m now 30. At one point, we broke up for a year and started dating again. When we first got together, he kissed me – not a lot, but we definitely kissed. He will not kiss me anymore… It’s even hard to get him to kiss me goodbye.

I’ve asked him about this, and he says he has never enjoyed kissing or ‘been’ with any of his other girlfriends. He also only wants to do me doggy style! The only other position is me on top of him, reversed, with my backside facing him. I don’t remember doing it any other way. Maybe in the beginning we had normal sex, but I don’t remember. He is very dominant, in real life and bed (which I like). He wants me to deep throat more and more lately, and always wants me on my knees. I don’t know if it’s just that he’s dominant and just likes it that way or if there are questions about his sexuality. He told me in the past that he questioned his sexuality years ago, but is straight. He also loves anal.

We’ve argued about sex (he thinks I’m a nympho, but if I act uninterested he wants it bad too, so we initiate pretty evenly). I was nagging about the kissing part and asked if maybe he needs to take a further look at his sexuality. He said jokingly that he is going to kick my booty for asking him that (he wouldn’t really, but he seemed offended). He is close with his mother – he seems to think that she and his daughter are the only ones who care about him. Well, that’s what he says but I don’t think he really believes it. He knows I care. I know he loves me too, though he never says it… Are we just too comfortable with one another, do you think? – Missin’ the Kissin’ Kate

A I believe that when a man has a daughter, she becomes number one, above even his own mother. Men seem to love their daughters more than they have ever loved any other woman and pretty much all of their love/heart is dedicated to these little princesses. Next in line is Mom – that is, if she is still alive and he loves her (like yours does). Then comes you. By the time he gets to you, he is drained and tired of giving his heart away to females so you sort of get the love leftovers. This explains why there is no kissing and very dominating – almost degrading – selfish sex. He may in fact love you, but you are not getting his all and I doubt you ever will. Just because a man loves anal, doesn’t mean he is gay (but as I see it, an asshole is an asshole, so why would he be picky about who is attached to it?). Trying to force a man to want to kiss you is like having an argument on the internet: it is pointless. If you enjoy the sex without kisses and can accept his style, stop wasting your energy nagging. If you need more, it’s time to move on. Thirty is a great age and you’ll still have your pick of the crop.

Q My fiance goes away for three months at a time I am GAGGING FOR HIS COCK!! He has the most beautiful cock I have ever had, so taking another man behind his back is out of the question – I love him and his pretty penis too much for that. Porn doesn’t really help much either. Would getting intimate with another woman count as cheating? I am a very sexual person and these long dry spells are doing my head (and vagina) in. Any sly ideas you have would be appreciated. – Cocky Carla

A There are a couple ways to remain physically loyal while your honey is away (kissing/fondling another human would be considered “cheating” by some). You can masturbate together during video chats, and since you love his cock SO much, you can have him make a mold out of it and turn it into a vibrator. Then you’ll have the next best thing – a replica of his wonder-willy you can use anytime you want. Check out this website: www.empirelabs.com.

Q I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years now, and our sex life is great! We are very much in love and we know everything about each other – well, I think we do. The problem is that now every time we have sex he wants me to stick my finger in his ass, not just one finger, sometimes three… and, well, I do it cause he gets very horny and I love him getting like that, but the thing is that when he asks for it, it’s in a really aggressive way – he treats me weird. I don’t know if you get me, but his asshole is really stretched out! I noticed that the first time I did it, so my question is: is my boyfriend gay? Has he been fucked before by another man? Does he stick other types of shit in his ass?? I ask this cause it fucking hurts me when he only sticks one finger in mine – it makes me bleed – so I don’t get how three fingers don’t do shit for him? I really need your help Dr. Dot. – Slim Anus Annie

A A lot of men love to have fingers and other objects stuffed into their assholes. This does not make them gay at all. I know a few straight men – very successful straight men – who want/enjoy having a whole fist crammed up their poop shoot. At one point I thought, “The more powerful a man is, the more fingers he wants up his ass.” And they were all 100 percent heterosexual. I also believe men can take a lot more pain than women can, which is perhaps why it doesn’t seem to bother them to have dildos, cocks and other assorted objects rammed up their chocolate starfish. In fact, they say it feels good. It seems that the pain, the pressure and the thought of being fucked makes them feel good.

The more power and control a man has in his life, the more pain he needs to distract him from it. That’s my opinion and my experience, anyways. The fact that his asshole is “stretched out” could mean a number of things. He may stick dildos up his ass. His ex may have fucked him with a strapon. He may take huge shits – who knows. If you don’t like him playing with your butthole, tell him. Say, “Honey, I don’t mind playing with your ass, but mine is ‘EXIT ONLY’.” If he loves you like he says he does, he will accept this and be happy to be the only recipient in your anal adventures. If he still tries to wedge his way into your fragile backdoor, withhold any more ass play until he gets the fucking message.

Send all questions or problems, whatever they are, to me: [email protected]