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Ask Dr. Dot: Hendrix, Holiday or Prince?

"You could always lower your standards and find someone that no one would chase."

Q My lover and I have been seeing each other for four months now. He is 28 and has everything I need but he cannot make me cum. He gives me oral but I can’t let loose. I can make myself cum easily with my fingers but no man has ever made it happen (I am only 21). He is taking it very personally, as he is a giver, not a taker. He says he normally will not cum until his partner does. This puts even more pressure on me, then in turn, on him. Why would it be so important to him if I cum or not? I am too stubborn to pretend (and I’m a bad liar). A penny for your thoughts, Dr. Dot. Dinah-Moe Humm

A Dating a “giver” is a good thing. Try to reach a compromise with him; have him lie on his back, while you lay on your belly, in between his legs. Lick his balls and blow him while you use one (or both) of your hands to play with your pussy. If you do it correctly, you will cum while he’s in your mouth, which should be very exciting for both of you (unless you clench your teeth when you cum?). You can also try getting almost there with your hands, then jump on his cock right before you climax, so he still feels like he contributed to your hot volcanic eruption.

Q I have two wee questions for you, Doc. (1) What music would you say is the best music to shag to? Guessing you will say Frank Zappa. (2) Why are women more into “the chase” of starting a relationship then just admitting straight away that they are interested or not? It seems to cause more headaches than needed. Dumbfounded Danny

A Wrong. Zappa, although he is one of my favorites, is not good fornication music. The lyrics, such as “why does it hurt when I pee”, “what’s the ugliest part of your body” and “I have been in you baby” are too silly and could cause loud fits of laughter that may ruin the erotic mood. Jimi Hendrix for the rockers, Billie Holiday for the romantics and Prince for anyone else seems to go over well. “The chase” is not only exciting but also serves as a sort of probation period for you. Bad breath, dirty fingernails, rude comments to waiters/taxi drivers and keeping ones word of “I will call you tomorrow around 8pm” are all noted during this “headache” of a chase you speak of. You could always lower your standards and find someone that no one would chase. Or just use your hand, and in that case, you can surely ‘crank the Frank’ (Zappa).

Q I’ve have been on and off with this girl for more then two years now. I am 27 and she is 26. Just recently I told her we needed a break, as I don’t trust her anymore; I’m afraid she will hurt me again. So we took a two-month break, but the whole time she was harping me, asking if I was talking to girls. I wasn’t, so I told her no and she said she wasn’t talking to other guys either. I honestly thought taking a break would make her want to fix this shit relationship and appreciate me more. She kept calling me, texting me, saying she wanted to be together, etc. Last week I went to hers intending just to talk to her and tell her what we needed to fix to get things back on track, but we ended up having sex. It seemed like her vagina cast a spell on me. It was amazing for me but she left angrily because she said, since I insisted on using a condom this time, that I was “lying about girls”. (I usually don’t use condoms with her; this time I did).

She started a new “promotion” job, going to Mallorca every other week, where she waves at people on the side of the road with a bathing suit on. I found out per Facebook that she “gave a guy her number in traffic” and told another guy she would “go to dinner with him”. I asked her if she was talking to anyone and she still lied and said no. I have trust issues and she isn’t helping me any. What should I do? Mullet Man

A She must be a whole lotta dumb to post such incriminating information on her Facebook page, or she enjoys pissing you off. Either that or you have her password and have been reading her inbox. All of those scenarios only reinforce the fact that there is zero trust and minimal respect left. You can’t expect much from a girl who is willing to wave at traffic in a bikini (next stop will probably be stripping). She left angrily because she thinks you are “lying about girls”, just as thieves are always paranoid someone is going to steal from them, and cheaters are always panicking about someone cheating on them. I really don’t think this relationship has much of a chance; even a break didn’t help. It sounds like she is handing out invites to her pussy on the side of the road – good job you wore a condom. If you are really that keen on this bikini-clad tart, set a honey trap. Ask one of your good-looking co-workers or friends to drive by her “work” and ask her out. Tell him to use lots of charm and try his best to get her number. If she takes the bait, you will have your proof that she is indeed full of shit. Even if she did a complete turn around and told you she promises to be a good girl, I doubt you will be able to relax and trust her. Remember, there’s a lot of other fish/snatch in the sea.

Send all questions or problems, whatever they are, to me: [email protected]