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  • Ask Dr. Dot: Serious snoopers and Bauhaus browsing


Ask Dr. Dot: Serious snoopers and Bauhaus browsing

"If you don't like what you find when you pry, don't fucking pry."

Q Recently the boy I am dating (he is 23, I am 31) came to my house and after we fooled around, he used my computer to check his email and Facebook. He forgot to sign out and I started reading his messages. There were many females asking if they could have contact with him, flirting etc. One even said “I love you” and “I miss looking into your eyes” (same shit he says to me). Granted, these messages were a month or more before I met him but still, now I can’t trust him at all. I had a hunch he was the player type but he swore, being Muslim and all, that it was not his style. When I confronted him, he wasn’t angry I read his mail, only pleading with me to understand that these girls mean ‘nothing’ to him and they were all before me. Would love to hear your thoughts. -Suspicious Sandra

A Muslim or not, a man is a man. It’s their goal to spread their seeds and if he was trying to do so before he met you, it means he was just being a man. You can chalk up the cheesy sweet talk and lack of originality to his age. Give the guy a break – he is only 23. If you think he is cheating, he may well be, but reading his emails/messages will not bring you closer to him. It only makes you appear very insecure and it’s just plain wrong. The fact that he didn’t end contact with you after you violated his privacy is a good sign; it means he is willing to forgive and forget and is clearly into you. If you don’t like what you find when you pry, don’t fucking pry.


Q I’ve been with my boyfriend for five and a half years, most of which has been long-distance. We love each other and our relationship is wonderful – except for the sex. His package is perfect and he says I’m good for him too. He fucks like a ninja even though I’ve told him I need to hear my partner while we’re fucking. He doesn’t grab me hard, pull my hair or dominate like I want; he’s afraid he’ll hurt me even though I’ve told him several times that I’d tell him if he were hurting me. He loves when I wear the trashy lingerie he buys, but I hate feeling like a $5 hooker. You would think that two people who see each other every few months would have explosive sex, but it’s never been that way. Sometimes it’s like I’m fucking a dead fish, and I’m dying for good sex and real passion. -Lusty-but-lonely

A You say you want to be dominated, grabbed hard and have your hair pulled yet you hate “feeling like a $5 hooker.” Seems like he enjoys ‘trashy’ sex and you like rough sex, which are not that different. All that aside, is a “dead fish” really worth waiting for every few months? You cannot force a man to be vocal and rough. If you are madly in love with him, write him a letter and tell him you really need changes in the bedroom and if he still does not comply, suggest an open relationship. If you are on the fence, I say find someone closer, because constantly waiting a few months for someone who isn’t compatible with you in bed, perfect cock or not, isn’t worth it unless he puts more effort into pleasing you. Life is short and you need to get what you want out of it. If he really loves you, he will relocate, do as asked in bed and rock your world.


Q I’m 39, married 11 years with two kids, both under 11. I am friendly with a girl I’ve known for many years. We are very attracted to each other and we’ve talked about being with each other. I’m not sure if she means just physically or as a couple though. She is only 21, divorced, with a daughter and a boyfriend.

We’ve been sexting lately and I visited her at home for a good amount of time, no touching or anything. She asked later why I didn’t give her any xoxo. I was crazy about her before, but after that I can’t get her off my mind. I really feel like I’m a third grader with my first crush. I didn’t think I’d ever feel that again. Over the holidays things slowed a little; sometimes she didn’t text back and it makes me think I’m pestering her. Do I continue or do you think she is just playing with an older man? Am I setting myself up for heartbreak? Should I just part ways with the wife and be by myself? I’d like your opinion on what to do or a clue of what this girl’s thinking of me. By the way, she is Salvadorian. -11 Year Itch-Ivan

A You never said what kind of relationship you have with your wife. She seems very unimportant to you, but leaving a wife and kids for a 21-year-old girl who has a boyfriend would be incredibly stupid. I completely understand how such a crush can develop, but I doubt it would be worth ‘throwing it all away’ for such uncertainty. Why not just have a fling? Perhaps things would not be so hot and exciting if you moved in with her, had to deal with her kid, pay her bills and all the while wonder if she is cheating on you like she is with her current boyfriend. Grass is always greener and moister my friend.


Q I’m almost 36, recently single, totally over the bar scene as far meeting guys goes. So… where to go to look at and meet fresh meat? -Gaggin-for-it Gretta

A Bauhaus: packed with productive handymen. Auto-care shops: hardly any women in those places, just men. Any gym that has free-weights and/or offers a kick-boxing class. Loads of healthy, ambitious hot guys in these places.

Send all questions or problems, whatever they are, to me: [email protected]