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Ask Dr. Dot: delayed reactions and the second coming

Our sexpert answers your most intimate queries.

Q Why is it hard for a 45-year-old man to cum but still maintain a rock hard penis? It’s like ‘the feeling’ or ‘itch’ wants to rise, but just doesn’t. I also tend to get hot (body temperature-wise): my beautiful girl says I always tend to sweat first before I cum.

When I do cum, it usually explodes out as if there is a blockage in the valve and the pressure just pushed it out. I’m aware I might have a control issue, as I generally don’t have a problem masturbating but only rarely do I cum during intercourse. I don’t hammer away: sometimes I go slow, sometimes I wiggle about – depending on how my partner is feeling or what she wants. – Diamond-Dick Dave

A It sounds to me like you and your cock are very dehydrated. When a person isn’t drinking enough water, the body tends to get selfish and holds onto every drop of fluid it has. Avoid excess coffee and tea, which simply dry you up from the inside out. Drink at least eight glasses of water a day and go to an urologist to have the “blockage” checked out. Blockages can occur as a result of infections – including STDs – and can be cleared up by taking antibiotics. If you have a structural blockage, you may need to undergo minor surgery. So a trip to the ‘Cock Doc’ and drinking more healthy fluids should cool you and your hot willy off, and make ejaculation easier.

Q I am 24 and I recently left my boyfriend (aged 26) of four years for another bloke. Then my relationship with that bloke went bad and we broke up. When I first left my ex, my mates told me that they saw him constantly on the piss, by himself, drinking himself stupid in the corner of pubs and looking unhappy. He used to email me, telling me he missed me and still loved me. I was polite, but not really interested. Then he stopped emailing, and my mates started seeing him out with other girls, and then one day, he ran into me at a coffee shop and it seemed like he had been living at the gym: the guy was ripped.

I added him on Facebook and saw a lot of girls flirting with him on there, including girls I know. I am shocked he has gone from the doting, depressed ex-boyfriend to this. What’s the best way for me to win back his heart and start dating again without looking stupid? I will also be very upset if one of the girls in my social circle tries to shag him – and I fear they might. Help… – Goldie Cocks

A The good news is, men can forgive. But they don’t forget. If he really loved you, he may give you another chance. The other girls may be different and new to him, but sometimes a history between two people can mean more than fresh meat. You could send him a real letter – not an email – and tell him you are sorry and that you know for sure that leaving him was a grave mistake. Mention that sometimes it takes such a stupid move to make someone realize how good they had it and how grateful they should be for what they have/had: the grass always seems greener but it isn’t, yadda yadda yadda… Make it short, sweet and to the point. He won’t want to read a book, just one short page about how you would love to see him again. But that’s all you can do. Do NOT call him, as you may catch him at a really bad time and that could make things worse. A letter is less threatening and gives him time to think. You may want to slip an old picture of you both into the letter to spark memories (and maybe a recent sexy portrait, too). If he doesn’t answer you, it means he’s moved on and nothing can change a man’s mind. If he does start shagging round your social circle, you’ll just have to write him off as “the one that got away” – but remember they are experiencing your leftovers.

Q I have been dating this girl for about five months, and I cannot seem to make her climax. It seems like no matter how long we go for, I always end up being first – and then going limp. I have never had this problem before: I am used to being told that we have to stop and not getting to jizz all over the place, then finishing the deed later by myself. I don’t know what I am doing wrong with her. We’ve tried different positions and I ask her what she needs to make her get there (she is shy), and still I don’t get the satisfaction of her screaming with joy from a little present that I gave to her. Is there any way I can extend how long it takes me to cum, or keep a stiff dick after I come, or loosen her up so that she climaxes harder and faster? – No-Go Jo

A needs to know how to make herself cum before she can cum with you. Ask her nicely how she makes herself cum: if she says she can’t, there is your answer. It’s not you, it’s her. If she says she can and tells you how, ask her to show you how she does it. Then try to integrate that method into your fuck fest.

If she doesn’t know how to cum (some women just don’t), then bring her ass to the edge of the bed, kneel on some pillows and lick her clitoris for as long as it takes. Don’t worry about sticking your fingers in there. Just concentrate on making long, firm, constant strokes with your tongue spread as wide as you can make it. Lick south to north and vice versa, and check in with her once in a while to ask if that’s the right spot/rhythm. Don’t let up until she cums. It could take a while, but if that is your goal, you have to hang in there. Make her cum first, then you won’t have to worry about how long it takes you. It didn’t sound like she was complaining about you taking forever to cum – some girls like a long ride. And women can enjoy sex without climaxing. We don’t have to climax every time to enjoy it, like most men do.

Send all questions or problems, whatever they are, to me: [email protected]