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Ask Dr. Dot: used cars and gigantic rods

Our sexpert answers your most intimate queries.

Q I have been dating a woman for the last six months. Once we had a conversation about cheating. I said I would never do that, and that if I wanted to be someone else, that would mean we should not be together. I really do believe that. When I asked her if she would cheat on me, she said “I would cheat on you if you pissed me off!” I could hardly believe what she said. In my opinion, this is a very bad sign, especially since we have had two or three times when one of us got pissed off. I think that conflicts happen sometimes in mature relationships, we are both 45-plus years old, and having what I think so far has been a serious relationship. When I told her later that this did not sound very good, she tried to avoid direct answer, blaming it on her previous husband, who cheated on her. Sounds quite bad to me. – Non-Cheating Boyfriend

A Women usually stray for two reasons (1) Revenge. (2) To get more attention/ admiration if they are not getting enough with their partner. Most women do not cheat when they are in love. The word “cheating” bothers me. One cheats on a test or at a game, but not so, in my opinion, in a relationship. The difference between dating and marriage, in my eyes, is people should still be able to do whatever they want before they make that HUGE commitment called marriage. “Cheating” used to be called “playing the field”.

The thing is, you can NOT force someone to be monogamous. People are physically committed when they want to be. Stressing out about monogamy will not coax it along; it will simply push your lover away. EVERYONE loves to do forbidden things, so if you forbid her to shag around, it will be on the top of her list of things to do. All one can really do is be kind, fun to be around and a generous partner (a great shag, willing to massage when asked etc) and this should make your lover want to be exclusive to you. If you do all that and they still want to fuck around, so be it. When people reach the age of 45, they are pretty much set in their ways. No teaching older dogs new tricks. Avoid having “conversations about cheating” as often as you can, as that will surely lead to drama. If she says she might “cheat” if you piss her off, try not to piss her off.

Q Recently I started dating this 26-year-old bloke. I am a 28. When we first met, I had been popping round to his flat as I paid him to fix my laptop. I thought that he was gay, like most men in Berlin. He acts and talks in a rather feminine way. However, he hit on me and I was surprised but flattered, as he is very handsome. I flat out asked him “Are you gay?” He hesitantly said, “No.” Then I asked if he was bisexual and he said, “Not really.” I said “What? Have you ever made out with a man?” and then he told me “Yes, once or twice.” I don’t understand this. How can one not know if they are gay or not? Making out with a man, if you’re a man, is gay. He says he doesn’t like to be labeled, but I need to know. How can I handle this without scaring him off ? He has a HUGE knob, which I love – but I am wondering, has it been in a few men’s asses or has he been fucked in the ass? Will my cunt be enough for this bloke? – Bewildered Bethany

A A new lover is sort of like a used car: it may seem new to you, but you just can never tell how many or what kind of people have ridden in it before you got it. I have met a few well-hung men who have also pitched for both teams simply because they feel their massive cocks are too precious to be limited to one gender. They want EVERYONE to worship their gigantic rods. If he treats you well and you use protection, just enjoy him for what he is, a well-endowed, open-minded amusement park ride. You can’t change the past, so just enjoy the present (pun intended).

Q Is there any safe way of licking pussy? Last time I licked my new girlfriend’s pussy, the bottom of my tongue was black and blue and tender as fuck for days and my bottom lip looked like someone had punched me. I LOVE licking her pussy but she moves about a lot when I am at it and I pay the price for a few days after. I have not licked pussy for a couple of years as I underwent cancer treatments and it seems like I’ve forgotten how. Her favorite thing is oral, so I have to keep at this. – Swollen But Keen

A I know what you mean. Not an easy task. Go to a drug store (KD Drug, Drospa or even a department store in the toiletries section) and get those rubber teeth guards one wears to avoid grinding one’s teeth while sleeping. If you can’t find those, look for the rubber inserts they sell with teeth-bleaching kits, or lie to your dentist and tell him/her you grind your teeth at night and want to prevent damage. Put those on you and then give it a go. You won’t injure yourself and will probably be able to munch her out longer and more intensely than ever before. One thing to look forward to – at least you won’t have this problem later in life, when you lose all your teeth.

Q I’ve been seeing a guy for the past few months and we laugh a lot and have a great time, but I feel like I am being taken advantage of sometimes. I cook and drive to where he lives (in Potsdam). I have to pay sometimes when we go out, as he is out of work. I guess I want to prove that not all girls are after a man’s money. I spend a lot on gas and even feed his cat. How can I get out of this routine without coming across as being mean? – Lovely Linda

A If you give too much people will take too much. Be nice, but stop giving. See what happens. You will find out if he still wants to come around and see you etc. If he asks you why the sudden change, tell him, “I am exhausted from making such a big effort for us.” You need to know the truth. If he really wants you, he will make a bigger effort and start being more generous. But keep in mind that there is one thing you can never change and that is biology: the sperm comes to the egg, not the egg to the sperm.

Send all questions or problems, whatever they are, to me: [email protected]