Amok Mama: Expat backlash

The great, big, fat, expat backlash has begun. Hurrah! Jacinta Nandi has a few things to say on the subject. And she wishes she could afford to buy herself a pair of silly looking glasses.

The great, big, fat, expat backlash has begun. Hurrah! This article sums it all up pretty neatly.The Greens are complaining about party tourists, the owners of Freies Neukölln are complaining about their own clientele, and everyone else is  just slagging off Americans with silly glasses on.

So, here is my considered opinion on the subject.

1) Party tourists ARE fucking annoying

Come on. They are. They’re a bunch of cunts, man. I am not saying they shouldn’t come and spend their money or they should be shot in the head or anything, but they are a bunch of annoying cunts. I can remember the first time I realized the way things were starting to develop in Berlin. Hmmmn, hmmn. It was a few years back, my son was strapped into his buggy, and we saw a group of lads playing football on Samariterstraße U-Bahnhof platform. Bare-fucking-foot. Then one of them let the ball fall down on the train tracks. He jumped down onto the train tracks, scooped up the ball, and crawled back onto the platform. My son’s head just about exploded. He looked like JFK on LSD. “Naughty boy, naughty boy, naughty boy!” He stood up in his buggy and shrieked desperately. The lads turned to him and grinned, then they did an approving cheer. I realized they were from Scotland somewhere. They gave him a thumbs-up sign and called, happily: “Yeah, we’re naughty boys alright!”

You don’t need to be German to find that kind of behaviour fairly despicable. I’m not saying they shouldn’t come here for their cheapo drug-fuelled meaningless stag weekend parties, but for fuck’s sake, when they do, we’re allowed to SLAG THEM OFF FOR BEING CUNTS.

2) Maybe I would have slightly more sympathy with expats getting all precious and crying into their green tea wank lattes about racism if they had ever, ever, EVER, ever expressed any kind of solidarity with the Turkish and Arab communities whatsoever

“It’s not that I don’t like the Turks, I just think they should learn German before they get here.”

There aren’t enough swear words in the English language to write anything scathing about that comment. Unfortunately.

3) We slag the Germans off all the fucking time

Remember? Sometimes I feel like I’m Winston Smith in 1984. We slag them off all the time. They’re allowed to get their own back occasionally, especially when we do, in fact, have stupid glasses on.

4) It’s only affectionate racism anyway

Sometimes racism is okay. It’s okay when it’s affectionate. Or, well, a bit affectionate. Like when Scottish people slag off England. Nobody from Scotland has ever, ever, ever, EVER EVER EVER offended me with any kind of anti-English statement whatsoever, even when they’ve tried really, really, really hard, like, for example: “I would’ve laughed so much if September 11 had happened in London.” Water off of a duck’s back, that kind of thing.

The thing is, affectionate racism is totally different to proper racism. Proper racism is what happens to the Turks and Arabs and black people every day and it is seriously not on. But, affectionate racism? Affectionate racism is just, like, how Scottish people feel about the English, how the English feel about the Americans and how everyone in Germany feels about Swabians – and, now, expats, too. Don’t be pussies about it. It’s just a joke, really. It’s okay. We can take it.

And, anyway, if you get too depressed about it, just remember: we still won the war.