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Walter Crasshole: God beats the precious…

Walter hates precious things. And people who wear multiple festival wristbands LONG after the festival is over. Here's a weekend where he'll be able to hate a whole new batch of people.

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Photo by Dennis Crowley (dpstyles™; Flickr CC)

Anyone else out there hyperventilating at the prospects of drug-induced cardiac arrest and/or just pure and simple exhaustion? As event promoters scrambled to make sure everything was packed into one (more or less) single week in September for fear of losing their share of the (Touri) market, they never stopped to consider the little guy – namely the festivalgoer. How can one possibly fit in all the worthy events these people have planned and not expect a few casualties?

But in the spirit of Schadenfreude, here’s a quick rundown of shiznit to do. Then again, I should watch out what I wish for… we all remember last year’s Berlin Festival, right?

There’s really no need for me to go into great detail of all festivals as they are exhaustively detailed all over this site. So, in one long breath, the art fairs: Preview Berlin (Sep 8-11 @ Tempelhof), Kunstsalon (Sep 7-11 @ UferHallen), ABC (Sep 7-11 @ Station-Berlin) and Berliner Liste (Sep 7-11 @ TRAFO).

Berlin Festival (Sep 9-10 @ Tempelhof), be what it may, returns Phoenix-like after last year’s debacle, which, as memory serves, was caused by an over-packed Fever Ray show. Let’s hope it can soar again. Exberliner will be there with our ping-pong table either way.

Film has Asian Hot Shots arriving with a healthy dose of porn, violence and politics. Here’s your chance to catch a Pink Film, the sorta-porno-genre that seems to have everyone abuzz in Berlin at the moment: see Erotibot (Sep 10 @ Moviemento). We can also tell you how to get a discount on the opening film, Gandu (Sep 9 @ Moviemento) here.

The International Literature Festival will be ongoing until Sep 17, so don’t neglect your literary side just because you’re covered in sweat, puke and other bodily fluids. Tomasz Leśniak and Rafał Skarżycki (Sep 10 @ Haus der Berliner Festspiele), creators of a Polish cartoon hedgehog named George (not Sonic), will be discussing the graphic novel for the first time at ILB. Don’t miss it.

If you can’t be bothered with all the fests (not all are drunken freak-a-thons, but there will be a fair share out there this weekend), my club pick is Blitz (Sep 9 @ My Name is Barbarella).  What looks like it could be Simon Le Bon’s dream come true will at the least be a chance to see people who put some REAL effort into nightlife glamour and at will definitely be a good place to hide from the incoming 20-somethings with their disgusting collection of wrist-bands. I hate those goddamn things.

So try and keep your chin up, sunny-boy. And stomp on something precious while you’re out there.