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Konrad Werner: Proper fight with the FDP

Konrad is showing off. He reckons he could have any of the FDP leaders in a straight fight. If it were to come to that.

Image for Konrad Werner: Proper fight with the FDP
Photo by Dylan Otto Krider (memekiller; Flickr CC)

I have been giving the matter some consideration, and I reckon I could have the leaders of the FDP in a fight.

I am almost certainly not the most physically athletic blogger in the blogoverse, and some of my friends may, in their heart of hearts, not consider me an ideal ally in an aggressive conflict environment, but I still think I could take on any one of Vice Chancellor Philipp Rösler, old General Secretary Christian Lindner, Health Minister Daniel Bahr or the new kid on the block, new General Secretary Patrick Döring in a straight physical contest. Probably not all at once, three would be tricky (outcome depending on morale and terrain), but I could probably manage two, if I got one in a headlock quickly and began furiously kicking the second one in the kneecaps when he came at me. And I could definitely have one.

Before you say that this kind of ridiculous male posturing is what’s wrong with the media and our society in general, I just want to say that I wouldn’t really hurt them. If I was sitting on Patrick Döring’s head, or my physical superiority was established in some other unambiguous way, and he says that they won’t do it again, I would stop straight away.

Also, I want to underline the fact that I don’t want to do this. I don’t believe violence solves anything. It definitely wouldn’t solve the FDP’s many problems. One Mainz-based political analyst, for example, thinks the FDP’s desperate situation is the result of a “fatal mix” of the “wrong issues and the wrong personnel”.

“The FDP’s problem is that they don’t have the faintest trace of an answer to the financial crisis and the subsequently discredited deregulation of the economy,” he reckons. “Plus, they would all clearly be totally rubbish in a fight.”

So, to recap: I’m not saying it’s what I want, I’m just saying that if it came to it, if some unimaginable and unfortunate chain of events led to me being forced to fight one of the FDP leaders, I would win.