Q. My husband and I have sex once every three weeks, even though I want it every day. He tells me that if I want it, I have to initiate it and get creative. At the start it wasn’t like that, and we had very romantic sex three times a week. What would you advise?
Decades of being the Gay Best Friend™ have prepared me for this moment! I don’t ever want to feel like I have to work for sex (unless it’s some kind of kinky scenario that is gratifying for all of us). I especially don’t want to feel like sex is being withheld from me until I “earn” it. Do you feel this way? Then maybe it’s time to create other options for yourself.
Communication is key. Why does he want you to initiate? What does he mean by “get creative”? He should be specific and unafraid to say what he wants to do to get off with you. Is he ready for a rim job? He should not expect you to come up with something to surprise him like a magician. That sounds like an awful lot, like expecting you to cook dinner and do the dishes afterwards. We don’t fuck like that anymore. The same goes for you, too: are you telling him exactly how you want him to fuck you? What you like and don’t like? Are you showing him what that ass do? Maybe initiating sex is actually just initiating communication? The best sex life is achieved through communication with your partner(s).
Personally, I do not believe that our significant other is meant to completely fulfil us sexually or even mentally, emotionally, or spiritually at all times. I think monogamy is a puritanical, colonial concept meant to inflict power and ownership over women. Just because you are not getting what you need from him does not mean you cannot get it elsewhere and still love him at the same time. I’m not saying you should cheat on him, but I am saying opening up your relationship to other possibilities is an option. The thought of you banging someone else might be enough to get him regularly initiating sex again. I wish you showers of orgasms and many sexual adventures.
Loads of Love,
Pansy
Want Pansy’s advice? Write to [email protected] using the subject line ‘Dear Pansy’.
