Q. Dear Pansy, my partner and I want to try anal sex for the first time. I am scared it’ll hurt and I will defecate all over them. Do you have any tips for preparation and maximum pleasure?
A. Hello, my darling! First, your butthole is beautiful. You should get to know it a bit more before sticking things inside of it. Look at it in the mirror. Take pictures of it. Touch it when you are in the shower. Gently massage the sphincter before sticking one finger inside, then another when you feel comfortable. You can use water as lube. Feel around in there. Notice how your sphincter relaxes and is able to take a second finger. Squeeze and release to recognise how you can control your muscle during sex. This is not only a practice that can help you get in touch with your butthole but is also good for preventing haemorrhoids and anal fissures.
The skin on your butthole is just like the skin on your lips – it is meant to be kissed!
Unless you are into scat play (no kink-shaming here!), you will probably also want to shower – or douche – your anal canal to make sure everything is clear for takeoff. I recommend getting a nozzle attachment for your shower. There are also smaller hand-held douches available at local sex shops. I prefer the shower attachment because I can control the pressure and better clean my ass. The pressure should be lower than you think! When holding the nozzle upright, it should just barely dribble down the side like a very small fountain. Relax and clean your hole as if you are getting an at-home colonic. This is also a good time to get personal with your digestive health. Be mindful of your diet and fibre intake. Consider adding a fibre supplement to your routine. Do not strain when douching your hole or using the toilet! This only adds pressure and stress (and eventually, haemorrhoids) to your pretty little pucker.
Now that you’re all clean, consider playing with toys first: dildos, butt plugs, anal beads, or even just your partner’s trusty old fingers. Inflatable plugs and dildos are also a good option, because once again, one can control the size and pressure. Make a date out of it and go to a sex shop with your partner to find the perfect fit. Hopefully you’ll be so horny by the end of it your butthole will be practically begging to be entered.
You’re in for some mind-blowing orgasms.
Lubrication! Whether water- or silicone-based, lube is your best friend. Water-based does not last as long, but is easier to clean up. Silicone-based feels better, but will turn your floor into a slip-and-slide and possibly ruin your sheets. I am a big fan of just using spit, but I do not recommend this for your first time. Unlike the vagina, your asshole is not self-lubricating, but once you’ve got the hang of it, using spit is something to look forward to!
Loosen up. The skin on your butthole is just like the skin on your lips – it is meant to be kissed! If you are offering up that sweet pie for dessert, your partner needs to get in there and take a bite first. They should be licking every crevice of your crack before sticking anything inside you. Rimming simultaneously helps with lubrication and relaxation. Aftercare is also something to consider. Soak in a warm bath with salts or chamomile. Use wet wipes instead of dry toilet paper and Bepanthen cream on your bootyhole. Treat your sacred orifice right and you will have many years of pleasure ahead of you.
Finally, enjoy! Anal sex is fun! In my humble opinion, it is also the Goddess’ greatest gift to humanity. Nobody gets pregnant! Everyone has a butthole, so no matter if you have a prostate or a clitoris, you’re in for some mind-blowing orgasms. The sphincter is one of the stretchiest muscles in your body. With a little bit of preparation and aftercare it can take a lot. Also, don’t worry – it is very difficult to break and can be put back together again. Buckle up, buttercup! Then bend over and say, “Give it to me, baby!”
Loads of Love,
Pansy
Want Pansy’s advice? Write to [email protected] using the subject line ‘Dear Pansy’.
