Dear Pansy: "I am coming to terms with my bisexuality"

Dear Pansy, I’m in my thirties and am just coming to terms with my bisexuality. I have just started hooking up with other guys and feel a bit lost. Do you have any advice for me on entering this new territory?

Hi friend! I love bisexuality and bisexuals and think the world would be a much better place if we all admitted everyone is a little bit bi.

First and foremost, I think it is most important to make sure your sexual health is in order. Remember: boys have cooties. By sleeping with other men, you are opening yourself up to more possible exposure to STDs and HIV. However, have no fear! Berlin is chock-full of places to get your dipstick checked out and make sure everything is up and running smoothly.

Coming to terms with your sexuality can be a long and confusing process

I recommend finding a doctor that specialises in infectious diseases or queer healthcare like ViRo Praxis in Neukölln, or Praxis City Ost and Praxis Cordes in Friedrichshain. In an emergency or without insurance, you can also go to Gesundheitsamt Charlottenburg and get tested. If you are very sexually active, consider getting tested every three months. You should also consider going on PreP, or pre-exposure prophylaxis, the practice of taking a medication (Truvada or Discovy) in order to protect against the transmission of HIV. In my opinion, this drug is a miracle gift from the Gods. Any of these doctors will also be able to help you here.

One thing I am always frustrated by when it comes to bi guys is that these men will not communicate with their vulva-owning partners about the fact that they are also fooling around with other dudes. I get it, bi-phobia and erasure are very real concerns, but you are also putting your other partner(s) at risk for those aforementioned STDs. Due to medical misogyny and patriarchal malpractice, it is much more difficult for people with a vagina to get tested and treated for STDs. It is your responsibility to communicate with your regular partner(s) and girlfriend(s) about your sexual health and make sure that they are protected.

Now that the scary stuff is out of the way, I just want to encourage you to have fun. Don’t be afraid to flirt with men you find attractive. Consider going to a new-to-you queer party or sex space. Open up your gender options on apps like Tinder and Hinge or go straight to the source and download Grindr. Berlin is also very fortunate to have many public parks with dedicated hidden cruising areas. A cursory Google search will provide you with all the info you need to find an anonymous little bump and fumble in nature.

Coming to terms with your sexuality can be a long and confusing process; homophobia hurts us all. But it is also an exciting one, and I think Berlin is the perfect place to embark on that journey safely, sanely, and consensually.

Loads of Love, Pansy