The scandals of German politics can be so boring. Coming from the country of CIA-on-government spying and White House blowjobs, it’s hard to get worked up about parliamentarians abusing their frequent flier miles. Every once in a while, though, a scandal comes along that is so extraordinarily boring, so yawn-inducing on so many different levels, that it becomes interesting again.
#bombergate broke a month ago. During an antifascist protest in Dresden on February 13, two masked women removed their shirts to display the message: “Thanks Bomber Harris”. A week later, the press broke the story that one of the women was Anne Helm, who sits on the Neukölln district assembly for the Pirates and has the fifth spot on their European election list.
Each new element of this scandal was less interesting than the one before it…
Yawn #1: Femen. It’s kind of getting old, ladies! I’m as giddy as the next guy when I see panicky Catholic men trying to cover up the bosom of a woman who jumped onto the altar during a Christmas mass. But when toplessness becomes the default option to protest for or against just about anything, it loses a lot of its punch. They’ve officially become a Portlandia sketch. Femen distanced itself from this action, which was carried out by a member of the…
Yawn #2: Pirates. After their spectacular victory in the 2011 Berlin elections, we’ve seen the Pirate Party recede back into irrelevance. Turns out “Internet something something” wasn’t a sufficient political program after all. Now they’ve just elected enfant terrible Christoph Lauer as their chief because, after two years without any accomplishments as an opposition party, they need give it a shot in government – even if they aren’t sure what they’ll do. The slogan in Dresden didn’t come from the Pirates, it came from the…
Yawn #3: Antideutsche. The so-called “Anti-Germans” were a section of the left who started to identify with the state of Israel and the Allies who defeated Nazi Germany. So while most of the global left opposed the wars in Afghanistan and Iraq, the Antideutsche were waving the Stars and Stripes to cheer on the armies of freedom and democracy. (How is that working out, by the way?) Eventually they realized that the Bundeswehr can also fight for liberty, so they largely dropped their moniker and integrated into mainstream German politics. What’s left is the slogans thanking “Bomber Harris”, an RAF officer who ordered the firebombing of Dresden shortly before the end of World War II. Now there is a debate to be had about the military reasoning behind the attack on the Saxon capital. But thanking a well-known racist and colonialist officer is just like the British punks of the 1970s wearing Swastikas: a childish provocation without much of a message. And this provocation was getting old 10 years ago. This did, however, still attract some…
Yawn #4: Nazis. I know, I know: Nazis are no joke. But it was a pretty cheap publicity stunt when they called for a demonstration against Helm in front of the Neukölln district assembly. Several hundred antifascists showed up to stop less than 10 Nazis who had to hide behind their banner due to flying eggs. Really nothing to write home about.
The response to the Nazis did provide the one slightly less boring element of this story: At the protest in Neukölln, Georg Kammerer, comedian and local strongman of Die PARTEI in Neukölln, exposed his much larger breasts with a slogan thanking Helm. That might be a step towards gender equality!
Helm, who does synchronization work for TV and movies – and provided the German voice of Babe the Pig – originally denied that she was the woman with the mask and no shirt. But the press pointed out a tattoo made her easy to identify. Paparazzi were following her around and she received death threats. At the same time, there were countless resignations from the Party. Now she’s apologized – the action was intended to provoke Nazis – and the scandal has petered out.
#Bombergate was wonderfully, uniquely boring. Nonetheless, this has been the most interesting news about…
Yawn #5: European Elections. The EU is going to the polls on May 22, but a recent survey showed just 22 percent of those eligible to vote in Germany are interested. In comparison to candidates one has never heard of for seats in an EU parliament without any real power, this story involving breasts, pirates and bombs was actually pretty exciting. And I can’t vote anyway.
